https://www.nwahomepage.com/knwa/co-parenting-during-the-coronavirus-causes-influx-of-calls-to-attorneys/

NORTHWEST ARKANSAS (KNWA/KFTA) — COVID-19 is creating unique challenges for everyone, but for divorced or separated parents, it means extra complications.

No one child or family is the same.

SONYA JIN, MOTHER OF TWO

Sonya Jin is a mother to 10-year-old Harrison, and 12-year-old Parker.

She’s divorced and has custody of both kids, but every week and a half, they go to their dad’s.

“We’re keeping that consistent so they have a sense of normalcy for the most part so they don’t all of a sudden have another change,” she said.

Jin said it’s already a challenge being a divorced family, but co-parenting during the coronavirus is a different ballgame because there’s only so much you can control.

“You can only do what you can do,” she said. “Communicate with the other person so that they know what your expectation is and hope that they also share the same position.”

Family Law Attorney Leslie Copeland said Jin is doing it right.

What I do is encourage parents to work together to try to find solutions on their own.

LESLIE COPELAND, FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY

Copeland said there’s an influx of calls from anxious parents worried about what to do with visitation during this health crisis.

“It’s just a very stressful time for people,” she said.

She even said some people are using the virus as a way to excuse their kids from seeing the other parent.

“It’s important for people to know that custody orders are court orders and they should be abided by,” Copeland said.

While that’s not necessarily the right way to go, Copeland said it’s crucial right now to keep the focus on the children and what’s best for them.

“If it’s not possible to have visitation, then let’s do lots of phone calls, and video, and try to make sure children are staying connected with both families as much as possible,” she said.

Which is exactly what Jin is doing in her own divided house — making sure she’s always putting her kids first in this already stressful situation.

“That’s what’s always been the case is to put your kids’ priorities over your own and it’s even more important right now,” Jin said. “You just have to figure out what works best for your family and each child because every child is so different.”

Jin said she knows how hard it can be right now for every parent, and she said her biggest advice is to make sure you are doing fun and creative things with your children during this time.

Below is more information about custody in the time of the coronavirus, according to Copeland:

Access to Courts:

• Courthouses are closed through May 1

• Judges are only holding hearings for emergency cases or are holding phone/video hearings

Custody Orders:

• Have to follow unless the parents agree otherwise or there is an emergency order from the Judge

• What I’ve seen so far is that Judges are sending kids for local visitation but not for out of state visitation (due to the travel risks involved and the higher rates of transmission in surrounding states)

• If you have concerns about visitation, you should first talk to the other parent and try to work something out. If you can’t, and you think it constitutes an emergency, then you can call a lawyer to file an emergency motion.

• If a stay-at-home order is issued, then I would expect visitation to be addressed in it, and if not, then I would expect our judges to issue direction to the attorneys about how the order will affect visitation.

Divorce Rates:

• Expected to rise after quarantine is lifted

• Bloomberg Business Week reported record-high numbers of divorce filings after quarantine was lifted in China, a 25% increase

• The answers as to why are anecdotal, but couples are under an unusual amount of stress.

• There is record unemployment and many couples are facing financial strain.

• They are also home together under stress, unable to leave or return to work, and have children underfoot.

• Either couples grow closer together, or further apart.

• We are still filing divorce cases now and uncontested divorces are being finalized. You do not have to wait for quarantine to be lifted to talk to an attorney or file for divorce.

• There will be a backlog of cases when things get back to normal. It is not too early to talk to a lawyer and start your case now, if you are able.

For more information about Leslie Copeland Law & Mediation, click here.

You’re probably reading this because your case has come to an end, whether you’re (finally) divorced or your custody case has been resolved. What do you do now? This guide is intended to help you navigate the days, months and years to come, so that you’re prepared if you ever need to come back to court. Not all of it will apply to you, but hopefully, some of it will.

Paperwork

• Read your paperwork carefully. Then re-read it again periodically. Some of the language can be technical. Make sure you understand what you’re reading. If you have any questions, just ask. But remember the phrase, “Ignorance of the law is no excuse.” Just because you didn’t read or understand your paperwork doesn’t mean you haven’t violated it. Be sure you are very familiar with what you’re supposed to do, and not supposed to do.

  1. What happens if you don’t follow your paperwork, you ask? Well, then you could be looking at the Big C - CONTEMPT. You do NOT want to be in contempt. If you violate the paperwork, the other party can make you come to court and explain why you didn’t follow it. And trust me, the judges are not sympathetic. They can fine you, and even jail you. So be sure you follow it to a T.

• Make sure you have both hard copies and an electronic copy of your paperwork. I suggest keeping copies close at hand, whether in a file folder or on your phone. You might also want to give copies to your children’s school, daycare, doctor, or other providers, so everyone is on the same page about custody and visitation.

Child Support

• Read your paperwork to find out who is supposed to set up the child support case. Almost all cases require that child support be paid through the Arkansas Child Support Clearinghouse. In order for it to be paid, first a case has to be set up. Then you and the other side should both receive paperwork in the mail explaining the different ways you can pay and the different ways you can receive. The first payments may come via check, but you can later set up direct deposit.  

• Keep your child support case number handy. If you ever need to call the 1-800 number, this is the first thing they will ask for. Keep in mind that you can periodically request an accounting from the Clearinghouse, which will show all payments that have been made.

• Pay your child support directly to the other party until the case is set up. Sometimes it will take a couple of weeks to get the case going. Until then, you should pay the other party directly via check or some other provable method.

Record Keeping

• Keep good records of the communications between you and the other party. I cannot tell you how many times people come to me with complaints but then have lost the text messages to back them up. What you do is: screenshot the relevant text messages and then email them to yourself so that if your phone is lost or broken, the text messages are still saved somewhere. There are also apps that will download all of your communications, which is a great idea.

• Screenshot relevant Facebook posts, and anything else that could be relevant later. You never know what you might need. If the other party or their family is spouting off on Facebook, screenshot it. If they leave you an ugly voicemail, save it to your email. Do not lose this stuff because you never know when you might need it.

• Keep a calendar of relevant events. It is very handy for your attorney to have a timeline of when things happened. If the other party misses a visitation, or cancels last minute, or decides to go to Cancun instead of exercising visitation, write it down! A journal, calendar or diary that is kept contemporaneously is admissible in court. So write. it. down.

Co-Parenting

• Do your part to work with the other party for the sake of your children. Ask yourself: What will the Judge think about my actions? Did I give the other party the benefit of the doubt? How will this affect my children? The best thing that you can do for your children is to have a good relationship with the other party. Be flexible. Switch weekends upon request. If there’s a problem with the kids, the first person you should call to talk to about it should be the other party.

• Keep the other party informed, or, ask for information. If you are the custodial parent, take your role as a privilege and a responsibility. Keep the other parent informed of what goes on at home, at school, at the doctor, and at extracurricular activities. Even if they don’t respond, keep doing it. If you’re the non-custodial parent, this does not relieve you of your duty to find things out. You should know the names of your kids’ teachers, their doctor, their coaches, etc. You should go to parent-teacher conferences. Know what is going on in your kids’ lives.

• Try an electronic calendar or co-parenting app. I have a different blog post about the different options. An electronic calendar can help you, the other party, the kids, and even stepparents be aware of where the children are and where they’re going to be. You can schedule and re-arrange holiday and summer visitation far in advance. The kids can know which parent to ask about sleepovers, etc. You can add things to the schedule, like school events or practices, without having to constantly text the other parent. I highly recommend you look into it.

Review Your Lawyer!

• If I haven’t asked you already, please consider leaving us a five-star review if you are happy with the services you have received. They make a big difference for a small business like ours. There are two places where you can review: 1) Google (where all good things come from; however, it is public) or 2) Avvo (where you rate and review attorneys and can leave an anonymous review). Thank you in advance for your feedback, and good luck!

Co-parenting is not an easy task. You have to learn to emotionally separate yourself from the other parent and treat your communications like business. When do you pick up the kids? What do they need for soccer practice? Who is their guidance counselor? It’s a lot to keep up with.

What if there was “an app for that”? Just your luck, there is! A couple of apps, actually. I’d like to introduce those apps to you in this blog post in the hopes that you will find the best way for your family to communicate.

1) Google Calendar. The first app I will introduce is the simplest one of all: a shared electronic calendar. It is easy to set up and use, and it’s free. You can set up multiple calendars for different things, such as, a calendar for visitation, a calendar for doctor and dentist appointments, a calendar for school events, a calendar for extracurricular activities, and so on. Either parent can add events to the calendar, and cause a notification to be sent to the other parent so that they know what was added. Stepparents and children can also be given access to the calendar, so that everyone knows where the children are at any point in time. The children can look at the calendar and know which parent to ask about a sleepover, for example, or whose house they will be at for Christmas. Kids thrive on stability and certainty, and something as simple as a Google Calendar can provide just that.

2) Our Family Wizard. Our Family Wizard is the creme-de-la-creme of co-parenting apps. It has everything you could want and more. Not only is there a calendar, but there is also an internal messaging app, expense tracking, medical information, school information, and note taking. Attorneys like it because it saves everything: you can easily print or send all of your communications with the other parent to your attorney if there’s a problem. You can easily track expenses and reimbursement, if someone falls behind. It even has a feature to identify and flag “emotionally charged sentences” to help prevent you from accidentally saying something that you might regret! Pretty nifty stuff. The only downside to this wonderful service is the price: $120 per year. But with that, you get excellent customer service and an excellent service. Most clients find that it is well worth the price.

3) AppClose. AppClose is the budget version of Our Family Wizard. It has many of the same features, but none of the price, because it’s free! It also has a calendar, messager, expense tracking & reimbursement, and important information. With the expense tracking, you can log an expense in the app and request reimbursement from the other parent, who can pay through the app, instantly. From my experience, AppClose doesn’t work quite as seamlessly as Our Family Wizard. In fact, the set up can take awhile. But once it’s set up and you get the hang of it, it’s great! And at the $0 price, it’s worth a try.

4) Cozi Family Organizer. Cozi is an app that is used by nuclear families and non-traditional families alike. It is an easy way to organize your family’s life by use of electronic calendars, to-do lists, a family journal, and even recipes and shopping lists! It is easily shared across all of your devices. It is an upgrade from the Google Calendar, but not quite the full-fledged co-parenting app like Our Family Wizard or AppClose. If you’re like Goldilocks and want something in the middle, Cozi is a great choice for you. And once again, it’s free, unless you opt for the Cozy Gold, which has additional features.